The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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