somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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