I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Terrible idea I love it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
