Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
