I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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