Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
