Need sex. Gaining weight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
