I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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