around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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