i just wanna soil my oats bro
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sarcasm needs its own font
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
