she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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