I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
