the condom got lost in my hair
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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