Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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