I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
