just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
