Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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