You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
