Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
