So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
