wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
