You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
