I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
