it wasn't lemon gatorade
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
