If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
