she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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