My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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