I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
