you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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