he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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