there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
