Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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