not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
