No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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