I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
