I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
