respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
