oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you had me at cake vodka
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
