omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
sex in a hospital.. check
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
