the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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