That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
