my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
