yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
