The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
