singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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