Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
