Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
