I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
