I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
