TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
