Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
