she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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