I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
